How We Change

Welcome to The Life Change Blog

There are lots of different models of “How We Change”. The better we understand this process, the better we can make sense of what is going on and make sure we keep moving forwards.

Whichever model you happen to subscribe to there is one very re-assuring statistic…the people who eventually change are the people who don’t give up.

Unfortunately, (and it is a big UNFORTUNATELY), most of us tend to be “hard wired” to give up if things don’t work out. It’s part of our great survival story….if the going gets tough, if we run out of resources/food… no problem, we’ll pack up the wagon and find somewhere else where the going is easier. Why stick around feeling a failure? The problem is, if we want to stick around it’s not easy to dislodge the “failure feeling”… is it?

The model of change that we use on our Life Coaching Holiday and our Counseling Retreat comes from Motivational Psychology. Originally called The Trans-Theoretical Model of Change is commonly known as "The Wheel Of Change". It is very simple but describes more accurately than any other model the process of change itself.

The really important thing to remember is that we all change in the same way…it’s predictable, and we all, more or less, work in the same way (we flourish with success and affirmation and give up when we feel a failure). How then can we keep on going when things don’t work out, when it feels that we’re going backwards, and will forever be a failure. Well…..

Ideas That Will Move You Forwards Even If You Are Going Backwards

Write out all the things that you have succeeded at in your life. When we feel down we usually distort our failures and find it difficult to remember the successes. It’s important to work against the feeling of failure.

List your personal strengths. Don’t let yourself believe that you don’t have any. Are you stubborn, fussy, easy going, relaxed, compulsive, creative, busy….? How can you re-frame these to your advantage? To see them as strengths rather than weaknesses.

Don’t lie to yourself. Remember that “we learn what we believe as we hear ourselves talk”. If you are telling yourself you can’t do it, you probably wont, not because you can’t but because you believe that you can’t. Know the reality. If you keep on going you will eventually end up getting to where you want to go.

Use your support network. The more isolated we feel the more depressed and hopeless we get. Get out of the downward spiral. Talk to friends and people that understand you. Listen to other people’s perspectives, advice and opinions.

Most importantly…don’t give up.

Talk again soon.

Have a good week.