Angry People

Everybody gets angry from time to time, but there are people who seem to be in the angry super league all the time. They seem to be constantly more angry than most of us and wait for the next time they can explode. It's always difficult to deal with someone who is angry, but even more difficult if they are experts; full time angry aficionados.

This article de-mystifies the weird world of Mr and Mrs Angry.

Firstly, visualise that angry person you are thinking of, and consider whether any of the following sound familiar to you.

Their behaviour (the person you are thinking of) is characterized by a "pattern of disregard for and violation of, the rights of others" (including you). They tend to scan their environment, "constantly vigilant and prepared for others to attack" (they seem like they are just waiting for the next argument). They display some of these characteristics:

Do you recognize any of the above? Well, you maybe in for a bit of a shock. If the person you are thinking of clearly, and consistently displays just three or more of the above they could be diagnosed as suffering with what is known as "Anti Social Personality Disorder". Of course a proper diagnosis of such a disorder takes a little more understanding and probing, but essentially doctors and psychologists that do this kind of thing for a living will start off following the criteria that is set out above.

It's useful to bare in mind that people who suffer from this disorder are not necessarily societies vagabonds, prowling the streets in a clearly identifiable manner. They could equally be dentists, office workers, politicians, teachers, university professors or psychologists. In fact there is much evidence to suggest that "successful" business people share similar characteristics to those outlined above. I guess in the cut and thrust of the business world it's rather an advantage not to have too much of a conscience when bankrupting your competitors.

So how can we best deal with people who live with this disorder? The important thing to remember is that our personalities are difficult to change...indeed, some would say impossible. We are who we are. Think about your sense of humour. Are there TV shows that you just don't find funny? Do you think that any amount of persuasion from me would make you laugh at something you just didn't find funny? Probably not, and it's the same for the rest of our personality...it's rather fixed. And, so it is for people with Anti Social Personality Disorder. Here are a few strategies to help you deal with the Anti Social Personality Disordered people in your life:

Respond with Reframing

This technique essentially allows you to disagree without disagreeing. If you disagree you have lost unless you are prepared to go all the way in a full out argument. Whatever the situation that is presented to you, just aim to "reframe" or twist your response to your opinion, so it's a case of "yes but", rather than "no" which is like the proverbial red rag to a bull.

Keep your Distance

Remember that you cannot change somebody else's personality. If you think you can, please do get in touch with me as you will be able to revolutionise everything known about psychology, therapy, counselling and life coaching over night. The chances are you think you can but actually you can't, a bit like I can't change your sense of humour. Baring this in mind it's best to keep your distance from people who are career angry and probably suffering from Anti Social Personality Disorder.

Minimise Involvement

As soon as you become entwined in the person suffering from Anti Social Personality Disorder you are locked into an endless roller coaster ride. Minimise the highs and the lows by keeping your commitments to them to a minimum. Try to keep money matters separate, have realistic expectations about any commitments they make (they will break them if they feel like it) and keep yourself safe and keep closer to people you like and trust.

So armed with this insight into what it's like to be Mr or Mrs Angry and a few pointers as to how to move forwards life may be a little less stressful.

Best of luck.